“No!” The doctor snapped. “Look at me!”
I had been staring her in the eyes, as she had ordered, but when a doctor on my other side began jabbing me with a needle, I started to turn my head. “Don’t look at it,” the first doctor said. I obeyed.
This was in early August in New Orleans, where I had signed up to be a participant in the clinical trial for the Pfizer-BioNTech COVID-19 vaccine. It was a blind study, which meant I was not supposed to know whether I had gotten the placebo or the real vaccine. I asked the doctor if I would really been able to tell by looking at the syringe. “Probably not,” she answered, “but we want to be careful. This is very important to get right.”
Image: BioNTech co-founders Dr. Ugur Sahin and Dr. Ozlem Tureci in its headquarters in Germany on Jan. 3. Photograph by Dina Litovsky—Redux for TIME